((((((((((((((((( WEBREFERENCE UPDATE NEWSLETTER )))))))))))))))))
January 18, 2001
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Meryl, two syllables not one, Evans is back by popular demand.
Last installment she brought us timeless classics like: "affect"
vs. "effect," the three-way battle "assure-ensure-insure"
and of course, the battle of the colons, semi and whole that is.
This week it's about the overzealous apostrophe and its
possessive nature. Learn all about apostrophe gaffes. Also,
this week we launch the GASP! Gaffe challenge (say that five times).
Find the mistake in this week's article and get your name in
lights.
http://www.webreference.com *- link to us today
http://www.webreference.com/new/ *- newsletter home
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New this week on WebReference.com and the Web:
1. TWO NEW CONTESTS: Submit & Win NetObjects Fusion 5!, Signup & Win!
2. FEATURED ARTICLE: < GASP! > Apostrophe Gaffes
3. NET NEWS: * Yahoo! Merger Rumors Rampant
* US Internet access charges could rise
* AltaVista to become only Net search engine
* Web surfing drops 15 percent in December
* Hackers test OS security for $50,000 prize
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. TWO NEW CONTESTS: Submit & Win NetObjects Fusion 5!, Signup & Win
>New: Submit & Win NetObjects Fusion 5!
Submit your article today and you could win NetObjects Fusion 5!
If your article makes the cut, and we publish it on the site or
in this newsletter, you win! See the submission page for details:
http://www.webreference.com/new/submit.html
This week, in < GASP! > Apostrophe Gaffes, Meryl (two syllables
not one) Evans starts a new project dubbed the Grammar and Styles
Project (GASP!). Her first lesson includes condemnation of all
grammatically challenged Web sites to a lower plane of existence
and the call for an immediate sacrifice of all misused apostrophes.
Would you care to join GASP?
>New: Signup & Win!
Sign up for the Webreference Update newsletter, and you could win
a killer software bundle from Ulead Systems, PhotoImpact and COOL 3D.
Each week we'll draw new winners from our new subscribers - you
could be next. Already a subscriber? Not a problem - just fill out
the form, and you'll be automatically entered to win. Tell your
friends!
http://www.webreference.com/new/contest.html
******************************************************************
BOT 2001 Seminar* January 25th at The Fairmont, San Francisco
Expert bot/intelligent agent developers, researchers and academics
present the latest happenings and give specific information for cost
effective solutions to improve business. A rare opportunity to
network, share ideas, and put theory and research into practice.
Register today – space is limited!
http://seminars.internet.com/bot/sf01/registration.html
**********************************************************adv.****
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2. < GASP! > Apostrophe Gaffes
Why is GASP capitalized? Because it’s my new pet name for all this
stuff I am throwing at you. GASP stands for Grammar and Styles
Project. If you’re getting sick of these grammar and style
articles, then don’t read them! It only takes a millisecond to
hit the DEL key. HEY! Think twice before you do so. True, I could
not care less (yes, it is correct, if I said, "I could care less."
then there is room for me to care even less. In this case, there’s
no room to grow.) If you write sloppy e-mails or blogs look at
http://www.webreference.com/new/webedit.html Many readers
and I are tired of gasping and pulling hair while reading ghastly
content on Web sites. You don’t want to be sued for causing
alopecia, do you? Go look it up if you don’t know what that means.
http://www.webreference.com/new/webedit.html
http://www.blogger.com
http://www.meryl.net/blog < a long abandoned blog for people who
< gasp! > can’t get enough of Meryl >
http://www.dictionary.com/cgi-bin/dict.pl?term=alopecia
> Ms. Thinksheknowseverythingaboutgrammar is < Cringing >
Infallible
First, I never say I am perfect. I don’t have a Ph.D. in
English or any degree in English, but I do have a few degrees:
a BA and 98.6*F < on most days >. Hey, sometimes it requires an
ordinary commoner like me to help GASPers make sense of it all.
Anyway, I was KO’d in the 1st round of the "assure – ensure –
insure" match and fell victim to the confusion. Plus, the British
invasion, and I don’t mean the Beatles.
You ask, "What was Mer-ryl’s incorrect statement?" < Sigh > In my
original version of "It’s Grammar Stylin’ Time, Kids!"
http://www.webreference.com/new/grammar/, I wrote, "I'm writing
this article to assure that you write well." Remarkably
intelligent WebReference reader Brian Wold brought this
embarrassment to my attention. He has been awarded the first GASP
Lifetime Member honor < Applause! Applause! >. My husband, of all
people, cleared up the whole 'sure mess in one simple sentence:
"Use assure when referring directly to people and use ensure when
referring to objects." I think I made it pretty clear when to use
"insure."
My second error occurred, when referring to British English, I
said, "use punctuation on the outside of double quotes." I
received feedback from various experts in British English in the
form of stinging wrist slaps. They explained to me that
punctuation goes inside double quotes, just like in American
English. I will be sure to punish my sources for the
misinformation. If you know of a good British / American English
reference that explains the differences, please email me the
details! The winner will get my thanks. What did you expect?
This article doesn’t pay the bills. Enough of that, I want my
heartburn to go away and my ego to stop deflating.
If I have not already lost you with my tiny imperfections,
then fellow GASPers, I am proud to present you with more
weaponry to fight the Battle of Non-Grammarians. Just for fun,
this week we're launching the GASP! Gaffe contest. Find the
mistake I've hidden in this week's article (typo, grammar, or
punctuation) and you win a GASP Lifetime Membership and your
name in my next installment.
> First, Let’s Atrophy the Apostrophe!
One of the most cloying things is when people use apostrophe
‘s’ to give an object more of the same. How hard can it be to
figure out when to use "its" vs. "it’s?" Come on now! All you
have to do is read the sentence and then instead of saying
"its," say, "it is" or "it has" and see if it makes sense?
Try it:
Its idiotic to leave out the apostrophe in this sentence!
So which is it? If you said "its," then stop reading this and
go to remedial school. This is for the highly gifted
WebReference readers. < Am I brownnosing enough? > The same
rule applies to "who’s." Try this again with "you’re" ( say,
"you are" ) and "your."
It's time to test you; try filling in the blanks.
_____ reading this fabulous article on ________ computer.
If you filled the first blank with "you’re," and the second
with "your" congratulations you may read on. When using "your,"
you’re using the possessive form of "you." Therefore, the item
after "your" should belong to the person with whom you’re
addressing. If you missed the question, then < rolling eyes >
never mind, I am keeping my mouth shut.
http://englishplus.com/grammar/00000219.htm
> More Apostrophe Dos and Don’ts
Uh-uh, it is not "do’s" and "don’t’s." In "It’s Grammar Stylin’
Time, Kids!" http://www.webreference.com/new/grammar/ I had to
admit Microsoft was right. Now, I have the opportunity to say
IT IS WRONG! WRONG! W-R-O-N-G! In typing "don‘ts", MS Word
automatically changed my word to "don’t’s" with two
apostrophes. Furthermore, when I type "do’s" it gives me
the squiggly green line to indicate an error. I right mouse
click over the squiggly and Word suggests only one
replacement: "do do." Well, I say, "do do" to MS!
Mr. Do and Ms. Don’t do not own a dagnabbed thing. Therefore,
skip adding the apostrophe, though you still need it to
represent "do not" in "don’t."
Example of what NOT to do:
http://www.microsoft.com/mindshare/korner/dosanddonts.asp
> Continued Disintegration of the Apostrophe
If you are interested in Server Side Includes (SSI), then
you may be interested in http://www.sonic.net/~nbs/unix/www/ssi/ .
However, I avoid that Web site like the plague because of how
it pluralizes SSI even when using a graphic, no less! Again,
is SSI a live, breathing person??? NO! So, quit giving it an
unnecessary personality! SSIs are indeed powerful, but look
so weak with the added you-should-know-what-by-now!
If you think this is the end of nonsensical pluralizing, think
again. An often recommended Web site for SQL tutorials is
riddled with ugly apostrophe esses including "and’s," "or’s,"
and "not’s." If you’re brave enough and your head can withstand
the pain of hair pulling, then go look at it:
<http://w3.one.net/~jhoffman/sqltut.htm#Compound_Conditions>.
A very well known arts and crafts store has a no-no on its Web
site. Check out MJDesigns < http://www.mjdesigns.com/ > and
look at the menu on the bottom to see if you can spot the error.
Yessiree, poor Mr. A. Strophe has been mistreated again.
http://www.mjdesigns.com/
> Here We are in ’01, What Do the Rest of the Zeros Hold for Us?
One of the things that strikes me as weird about the 2000s is
we no longer have the ‘60s, ‘70s, ‘80s and so on. One resource
calls the 2000s, the naughts as in naught-one, naught-two
(gesundheit, Meryl!). But others say there is no official name.
It will be interesting to see how people abbreviate the naught
years because rarely do we ever see 60s, 70s, and 80s written
correctly. Which to use? Glad you asked, my dear GASPer.
If you are referencing a calendar year in a shortened format,
then use ’70. If you speak of my wonderful and grouchy
(she was 94, she earned the right!) grandmother (z”l)
(no, that is not a typo, it’s a secret language), then leave
out the damned (sorry, Grandma, it had to be said) apostrophe!
If you put it there, then you’re saying she lived to be 1990
years old! Believe it or not, a major local newspaper wrote,
"Even after retirement, Lil continued to volunteer until she
was well into her 80's." Ah-buh-buh-ba! It should be "80s."
Guess what? This is from an online obituary! A little respect
for the dead, please.
http://www.masryvititoe.com/Erin.htm < Example of what NOT to
do – 6th paragraph >
http://www.ghplus.com/notebook/12-02-99.shtml
http://www.language-international.com/11_6/story-11.html
http://www.usatoday.com/2000/general/gen005.htm
If your Web site uses "FAQs" without the victimized apostrophe,
ignore the next sentence. I mentioned it once before
http://www.webreference.com/new/webgrammar2.html and I will it
mention again because it’s one of the biggest nuisances on the
Web. STOP WRITING FAQ APOSTROPHE ess! I wrote a friendly and
gentle e-mail to a webmaster to let him know that it was "FAQ."
The guy had the nerve to write back and said, "You can suggest
it, but I won't change it. FAQ's is used on millions of sites
from personal home pages to major corporations, educations
institutions, and federal, state and local goverment sites."
How rude! Well,
GASPers, let’s show him! Start spreading the word!
"NO MORE APOSTROPHE ESS IN FAQs!"
> End of Apostrophe Discussion
Good news, if you care! Future articles will rely more on the
"Chicago Manual of Style" and Strunk & White’s "The Elements of
Style" because Ms. Two Syllables Not One finally raised enough
dough to replace her prehistoric editions. Yeah, yeah, I know
some of you wrote to me asking to refer to other dictionary and style guides. Don’t
you remember what your daddy said? "Money does not grow on
trees!" Besides that, not even Strunk’s book is unabridged.
So, I do use other lesser-known references and the Internet.
Now, go forth GASPers and spread the word! Not to worry, in the
immortal words of Arnold, "I’ll be back!" Unless, of course, (a)
something tragic happens < pthththth – spitting fingers >, (b)
this article sucks so much or you’re so unforgiving for my
previous boo-boo that y’all protest to Boss King to fire me
< Guess what! I’m not an employee! >, or (c) the world magically
starts writing perfect grammar < excuse me while I recover from
the burst of laughter >.
http://www-scf.usc.edu/~griswold/files/jokes/school/badgramm.txt
http://www-scf.usc.edu/~griswold/files/jokes/school/badgram2.txt
http://www.faqs.org/faqs/alt-usage-english-faq/
http://www.word-detective.com/
Bio: Meryl like Cheryl, your GASP founder and leader, writes for
The Dallas Morning News and dot com newsletters, Web designs,
writes and coordinates newsletters for Internet Business Forum
<http://www.ibizhome.com>, co-teaches an Web multimedia online
class. She continues to figure out why people cannot pronounce
her name right and yet, Hollywood always gets Meryl Streep’s
correct. If you care to find her, she’s at:
< http://www.meryl.net > or send her an
e-mail: < mailto:meryl@onramp.net >.
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3. NET NEWS: Yahoo! Merger Rumors Rampant,
US Internet access charges could rise,
AltaVista to become only Net search engine,
Web surfing drops 15 percent in December,
Hackers test OS security for $50,000 prize
>Yahoo! Merger Rumors Rampant
Is Yahoo going to follow in the footsteps of AOL and seek a merger
with a media giant? Find out the latest.
http://www.internetnews.com/ec-news/article/0,,4_563631,00.html
>US Internet access charges could rise
What could cause a raise in the rate for Internet
access? Click and ye shall find.
http://www.zdnet.co.uk/news/2001/2/ns-20323.html
>AltaVista to become only Net search engine
Altavista is on the attack; it's lawsuit time.
Altavista holds a plethora of patents and even
Google might fall to their legal onslaught.
http://www.theregister.co.uk/content/6/16180.html
>Web surfing drops 15 percent in December
Is this true? How can Web surfing be going down when everyone
always says the Internet is exploding? Check out the facts.
http://www.adage.com/interactive/daily/archives/20010118/id20010118-14.html
>Hackers test OS security for $50,000 prize
Do you want to make a quick 50 grand? Simply
hack into Argus Systems Group Pitbull and
it's yours. Read all about it!
http://www.securityfocus.com/headlines/9961
http://www.openhack.com
******************************************************************
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http://www.swynk.com/
**********************************************************adv.****
That's it for this week, see you next time.
Andrew King
Managing Editor, WebReference.com
update@webreference.com
Alexander Rylance
Assistant Editor, WebReference.com
arylance@internet.com
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